No assembly RequireD

One of the most boring ways to review a remake is to constantly compare it to the original. To base its sole existence on how it bettered or worsened the original text. Many times it can be avoided especially if the film finds unique and inspiring ways to differ itself. However that is not always the case. Sometimes there is a remake so desperate to remind you of its source material that you find yourself envisioning a play by play of every moment and how it holds up to the original. The new movie musical MEAN GIRLS is just that. A constant reminder of what was with very little attempt to be have its own voice. Being based on the original 2004 landmark film that defined a generation wasn’t enough. No it had to take it a step further and be inspired from its own Broadway adaption forcing this third iteration to feel rehashed of two versions that for what it’s worth stood their own ground. Sure the musical which only ran a year on Broadway (cut short due to the pandemic) felt rehashed as well but nothing could prepare you for the desperation of this new film Co-directed by Samantha Jayne and Arturo Perez Jr. and written once again by Tina Fey. Here is a version begging to be “not your mother’s Mean Girls” that with only twenty years in between feels insulting to original fans as well as panhandling to a younger generation that will be more excited to tweet about their new favorite singer than delve into what truly made this story so fascinating. Gone is any resemblance of a tale of the pain women can bring onto one another or even the strength they can eventually find. There is nothing wrong with modernization of a story (even though it’s only been twenty years!!!) but when your film still can’t make fetch happen you quickly realize here is just another studio rehash to desperate to function.

For those who somehow missed one of the biggest cultural landmarks of 2004, the original Mean Girls (as well as this new version) focused on Cady Herron who after being homeschooled her whole academic life is now entering as a junior in high school where she encounters the vicious plastic clique. A trio of girls run by the even more ruthless Regina George who has no problem welcoming Cady into their group as long as she can torment her and teach her the true ways of high school. Thankfully with the help of two less psychotic friends Cady is able to seek revenge on Regina causing an all out female war while Tina Fey got to teach young girls valuable lessons while also allowing male viewers (such as this reviewer) to enter a world that seemed foreign to them. To reiterate the film was revolutionary not because of how groundbreaking its themes were (they have been in place for as long as high school has been around and some) but more importantly allow female dominated films to surpass their male counterparts (or lesser) and become a staple in the film world that is still trying to be copied today (clearly). Led by a cast of twenty-year olds playing teenagers, cast members such as Lindsay Lohan and the pitch perfect Rachel McAdams, the film as cutthroat as it can get never ignored the real enemy of the expectations and pressure put on young girls all while men feel endorsed to make their lives miserable with sexist and condescending behavior. Quite the feat for a ninety minute comedy (still harboring one of the best scripts of the century). This time around Cady is played by Angourie Rice who still encounters the plastics which includes gossiper Gretchen Wieners (Bebe Wood) and space cadet Karen Shetty (Avantika). But of course who she really must fear is Regina George (Reneé Rapp) who while being sold to us as the most dangerous girl alive has little to no bite. But thankfully Cady is guided by the films own narrators Damian (Jaquel Spivey) and Janis (Auli’i Cravalho who carries this film like her life depended on it). And while the film carries most of the same high school antics of the original (especially in its beat for beat plot) the charm really stops at the steps of this high school. For starters after a amusing aspect ratio change to open the film up, the film continues to utilize this technique to the point of exhaustion and betrayal from its once clever idea. Much has been said about the film being based off the Broadway musical yet refusing to acknowledge this in all of its marketing and it quickly becomes apparent why. Each musical number feels out of place (and that’s saying a lot for any musical where they do the whole talk sing thing) and guided by its inability to blend with the ongoing story you start to feel like you are watching one of those made for tv live performance shows.

The musical numbers are another add onto the film’s inability to carry its own voice. The songs being taken directly from the show is not lazy but turning them into a condensed version of themselves with cheap special effects and even cheaper production design makes this all too insulting. Setting in a high school may make the film want to feel more grounded but songs such as “Stupid With Love” or “Apex Predator” never go beyond the on location shoot (it should be noted this film was shot ten minutes down the road from me in suburban New Jersey and boy does it reek of it) that it refuses to give these songs the larger performance they deserve. If the film wanted to feel more grounded to its high school everyday roots then maybe some original songs that feel more what teenagers today listen to would help (after all it’s not like you don’t have one of Gen Z’s new favorite artists). This may be why songs such “I’d Rather Be Me” are more enjoyable since not only does Cravalho go for it all, but both she and the film greatly take advantage of the limited high school resources they are given allowing for this rebellious song to make sense when its singer is seen sprinting through the school halls smashing everything in sight and even getting the school marching band in on the fun.

Even with musical numbers that are quite lackluster the film still feels like it constantly underutilizes its cast. The original plastics and Cady all felt intertwined to where it made it easier to see how Cady eventually turns into a narcissistic drama queen herself. This time around the film relies on Angourie Rice’s turn from innocent little doe to nasty prima donna but Rice is not up for the task. It feels less natural and more performative and her relationship with Regina George is all the worse for it. Renee Rapp has the vocal skills far beyond her movie rival, but you’d be forgiven if you could not remember any memorable scenes between the two. In fact most of Regina’s scenes feel cut out completely. Not to mention the script’s biggest issues with Regina; she is just not mean. Gone is any of her truly vile language towards her classmates or vindictive behaviors towards any girl that she thought was getting too popular or just enjoying her day. The film does not need to take pleasure in watching Regina make young girls suffer, but its quite confusing to have an entire song about how everyone fears Regina when we never see this behavior be displayed. Perhaps Tina Fey was too cautious in her script to show to a modern audience how mean people can be, but you have to wonder if this is Fey backing down or if the powers that be in Paramount needed their Regina to be nicer in fear of any obnoxious Twitter backlash. What saddles this frustration even more is that ten years ago Fey was coming off her run off 30 Rock which has recently gone through a positive resurgence solely based on people once again remembering how deviously funny it was refusing to back down or shine a positive light on Fey’s own insecurities towards women. Fey is back as Ms. Norbury but any traces of the good old Liz Lemon days is as dead as TGS’s ratings.

So what do you do with a movie about mean girls that can’t actually be mean? Well you just throw a bunch of memorable lines from the original, revamp some of the weaker plot points and hope something sticks. MEAN GIRLS is so insufferable in bringing back “iconic lines” that you actually feel your eyes roll into the back of your head when Cady says “grool,” Gretchen screams “you can’t sit with us,” or even worse the lines are adapted for the new generation and Gretchen when asked what “fetch” means she actually replies that she “heard it in an old movie.” We get it Paramount anyone over twenty-five is now an old fuck that should be set out to pasture. Got it. But hey even some messes have there moments of enjoyability. Avantika as dimwitted Karen is a great example of honoring the past while making it your own. A scene involving the infamous Halloween joke (girls dress slutty but Cady didn’t get the memo and dresses scary) takes the Broadway song “Sexy” that originally sounded like a Madonna hit and instead makes it a viral video trend allowing Karen and her crew that consists of sexy outfits that range from sexy Joan of Arc to sexy corn. Its playful, Avantika gets to show off some exciting yet humorous dance moves and remind everyone that Karen has never been a mean girl but rather just so far gone that its easier to watch her enjoy life than be mad at her. Maybe that’s why when she is “slut shamed” by Regina the moment sticks out more and gets to be one of the only times we see how cruel Regina truly is. Auli’i Cravalho as Janis gets an even better treatment mainly due to Cravalho’s fully dedicated performance that reminds many how Hollywood should have made her a giant star in her post Moana days. Janis may get a somewhat proper modern take (still odd how tame this film is in regard to LGBTQIA when the original has helped so many young people of that demographic) but its Cravalho who does the heavy lifting when the film does not. Her vocals far exceed anyone else in the film and while the weight of her performance (and much like the film itself) barely gets life outside of the songs she is a joy to watch no matter the limited script she is given.

MEAN GIRLS may not have angered this critic as much if it did not constantly want this film to feel like it is pushing away the fans who made the original so iconic (or fetch if you will). Seriously it can’t overstated how even in writing my negative feelings I feel like ‘old man yelling at cloud.” But perhaps that is mainly because the film keeps re-enforcing how this one isn’t for me (cue eye roll). But that feels like its main goal. Even when it drops one famous line after the next it feels like it does so in hopes that it becomes something you quickly see as you scroll through TikTok. But what the filmmakers seem to forget (or just refuse to care about) the original film (only twenty years old!!!!!!!!!!) is just as meaningful as it was when it first came out. Those same issues are still happening (news flash Paramount people are still mean as fuck), and even on a movie level the original script is still the blueprint for almost every American high school movie. But once again filmmakers take the success of one (or two) things and learn the wrong lessons. I dread for the twenty year anniversary of “Superbad” when I am sure Netflix will give us the musical version of McLovin using a fake I.D. MEAN GIRLS is just that though, all the wrong lessons rolled into one overlong film. The filmmakers may believe they are doing the right thing bringing this classic (that’s only twenty years old in case I didn’t mention it) into the “modern” world, but what they really did was just create one of the most boring films of recent memory so next time someone wants to adapt MEAN GIRLS Do. Not. Trust. Them. They. Are. A. Fugly. Slut.

D+

MEAN GIRLS WILL BE RELEASED IN THEATERS ON JANUARY 12